How a Nurse’s Life Was Changed by Her Dying Patient

“Don’t die alone”, he said.

My brief experience with a palliative care patient changed my life. I was just starting out in the healthcare field as a nurse and placed in an unrealistic clinical setting taking care of only one patient for the day.  I was assigned to care for Brad who was reported to have approximately four days to live due to stage four prostate cancer. I tried to give him care but he urged me to sit down and refused his bed bath. He forbid me to do any of my nursing tasks as he claimed he didn’t want to be a burden to anyone in his last days.

During the next two days, he asked me to sit near and talk with him. We talked about his life growing up, his business, his successes and failures. I talked about my daughter who was my entire world. Somehow, during the interaction, he felt and acknowledged the pain I was in without me even saying a word about my terrible situation. Brad said he could see the sadness in my eyes and not to deny it. It was a surreal experience in a way, almost felt like a dream. I had a feeling that the situation was meant to happen for a reason.

He was sixty with mostly bald with some gray hair, big blue eyes, albino skin, and very weak from the chemotherapy which was ineffective. I was told in report that the doctors had given him 4 days to live. I was so new to the nursing field and didn’t know how to act around a dying person. It scared me a bit. He was exhausted, skin pale and cold, and very little energy to speak. His words accompanied some shortness of breath. 

He told me he only had the nurses to be by his side in his death. He had no one? Not one person? During our conversations, he showed me pictures of his big houses, beautiful young women in their 20’s and 30’s, and hot cars. He communicated to me it looks like a good life right? At the end of the day, he reported he had absolutely nothing because he didn’t have anything that truly mattered in life.  He stated he wanted a family but kept putting it off because he was just never ready. Brad looked back at all of his experiences in profound regret, he said he realized he had no real substance or even real pleasure. Sure, it all looked fantastic to his friends who worshiped his illusion of happiness because they perceived him having their ideal life but it was all empty to him.

Working in finance, he made a fortune. Spending millions on houses in different towns where he had different girlfriends was routine. His girlfriends were too busy to visit with him while he was sick though, they sent cards which had about one sentence on each which were displayed by the window. He had no children and reportedly, no real love from any woman. His parents were deceased and he had never bothered to keep in touch with his one brother that he lost touch with since he had moved away. 

I felt great sympathy for this man who was dying alone and then, came to the realization about myself. I was wasting my precious time enduring the abusive circumstances I was in. This patient helped me develop perspective I had not contemplated before, the absolute brevity of life, the treasure of time.

He died after I left my clinical on the second day not the fourth day. I arrived on day 3 and was told the sad news. I recall ember telling the report nurse “but I was told he had four days though”. The nurse looked at me like she wanted to say poor girl, you have a lot to learn here. He didn’t seem like he was that close to death to me. I was sad when I returned the next morning to find him gone.

It was because of this experience and our long conversations which lasted hours for two days that I finally set off to leave my abusive situation and treasure my precious short life. During my time with him he made me come to my senses of escaping the scary situation I was in and journeying to the happiness I deserved. Life had taken some scary twists and turns but looking back, I’m so grateful for this experience. You never know how one experience can completely change the direction of your entire life.